When you think of depression and think of the art that usually depicts depression, it rarely looks like this. Most of the time, you see voids, gray, and black colors only. It is fair to say that artistic expression is very individualized. We don’t see or experience things the same way.

Living with bouts of depression:

I have been struggling against depression ever since I was a child. It’s not always there, and fortunately, as I grew older, depression isn’t a daily issue anymore. It comes in cycles, sometimes stronger, sometimes barely there.

Since I struggled with suicidal thoughts and even a lot of attempts in my young years (until I was in my early 20’s), I am hyper-aware of the signs when it begins to creep up. Depression has a very distinct energy signature to me. I have learned to distinguish between being sad, anxious, feeling heavy and hopeless, and depression.

For me, knowing those differences is very important. It means I know when to become alert immediately before it sets in, and to take the risk of spiraling out of control. Once that inner alarm begins to ping, I need to take immediate action.

The artistic expression of what my depression feels like to me:

I still see and feel colors, but now they are crowded. The oppression and heaviness inside of me starts to not only bleed into the hope and determination that is very much a part of my “normal” personality, but becomes crowded. You can see it clearly by the different grays moving into the bright colors, slowly taking over.

In the very corner, you see the mask I present to the outside world. Fragmented, bold colors. It almost gives a stained-glass effect. To the outside world, I appear strong. Still presenting as bold, determined, and powerful. In reality, I’m cracking open on the inside. The light inside of me is fighting to stay strong. In many ways, this is my battle mask. Rich colors, which are part of my creative soul, but ragged. There is a distinct friction in it.

The soft colors represent life to me. Hope. A future. Beauty. If you look at it closely, you can see that I am being kept separate from it. I can still see it; it’s not gone yet, but there is a chasm that won’t allow me to reach it.

Fighting my depression!

Allowing it to take root is NOT an option. If it does, it could spiral too far, and then I have some serious problems. So the moment I recognize it as depression, I take action. (ME recognizes it, not anyone else assumes I am.) So here is a list of how I combat my depression:

• Get whatever is bothering me that triggered it off my chest. Suffering in silence only makes it worse. So I either talk to someone I trust and I know loves me. Write it down – venting. Or draw it out of my system. Literal art.
• Acknowledge what is going on, and realize that this is not who I am or what my mind is telling me is going to happen, or happening. I am actively breaking the negative loop inside of my mind.
• Making a pro and con list. I have trained my mind to think logically and to be able to analyze the information that is presented. Making the list forces my brain to compartmentalize. It forces my brain to not only focus on the negative, but the positive as well. Hope lies in the positive.
• Get up and move. It doesn’t matter if I can only go to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. Go take a hot shower. Dance like nobody is watching. Go and cuddle the cats in the household. This small physical action forces me to switch my thoughts from “being in my head”, to functioning outside of it.
• Listen or watch something funny, fantasy, or hope-inspiring. Again, getting out of my head.
• Make a list of all the things I have 100% overcome and survived. Better yet, turned something negative into a positive in the long run.
• Take myself out of my reality at that moment. This is where my storyteller brain comes in really handy. Something in my current situation has triggered the depression. So I create a fantasy version of myself via my writing that already overcome this situation, or isn’t in a situation where it has to face this. (Fun fact – I often go and visit the unseely court in my mind during those times, where my handmade items are treasured. My art is celebrated. There are no falsehoods. Scams are punishable by extreme measures. I have a good companion in my life, and our relationship is mutually supportive and respectful.) Even though I know this is not real, it allows my nervous system to regulate itself.

When depression knocks on your door…

I have lost several friends over the years to depression. They no longer found the strength to keep fighting the enemy inside. There are so many people who have no idea when someone suffers from depression, since many of us have become experts at masking it.

Just as scary is the misdiagnosis by others. The constant, oh you are just depressed statements. Why? Because when someone assumes that when someone is “just” sad, or is lost in thought, or perhaps is trying to find a way to honor their own boundaries, that it is being depressed again, then when real depression hits, it is invisible to them.

When depression knocks on your door, please don’t suffer in silence. Reach out to someone. I am fortunate enough to have learned how to handle mine without medications, but not everyone is so fortunate. If you need medical help, go find a reputable doctor and ask for help.

Don’t reach for alcohol or “recreational drugs”. I know that is unpopular to say, but it won’t help you. I might only dull it for a minute, but in the end, you are only compounding the problem.

You MATTER!

Most of all, don’t give up on yourself. Don’t listen to those nasty lies your brain is trying to tell you. If you are around negative people, get away from them. When someone is already depressed, being around people who are negative, angry, and miserable themselves, it will only magnify it inside of you.

You need a shift in your mindset, and that requires learning what works for you. There is no one-size-fits-all approach. Try Art, or writing, or music, or walking, or anything that pushes you to put focus on something other than being stuck inside your mind.

And most of all, please remember this: you are valuable and important. You may not know it, but you being alive matters.

How do you overcome depression when it hits you? Do you have any artistic expression that allows you to shift your outlook, just long enough to find hope again? I would love to hear about it in the comments section.

Until next time, I wish you love and light. If you are enjoying my posts, don’t forget to join my mailing list.

Regina L.